Tuesday, November 16, 2010

every day i'm hustlin.

i know it's been a long time. i truly do. i miss writing though. i know i am by no means a writer, but it helps me. i think it is really the greatest way to get rid of all of the heavy stuff that piles on through the day. i moved. i know, "finally" right? it's definitely the hardest thing i have ever done. i miss my family. i don't like the idea that i can't just go tell my mom some stupid joke i just remembered. or hash my day out with my sister, who will tell me the absolute truth even if i'd rather she didn't. or hear my dad tell a stupid joke from in the kitchen and laugh at himself for too long. or walk to the store with my brother. or just lay with my puppy. i hate this. but i have more freedom now. to do what i want to do. and you know what they say. "with great power comes great responsibility." it's all too true. it's hard to go to a new place and have to take in all these new faces. figure out who you like and who you don't. or, who likes you for that matter. it's hard to finally get over someone and then start a new crush altogether too soon. i hate love. i hate it. it's never been good to me and i'll be hard pressed to believe it ever will. the feeling of hope is nice, but it is vastly overshadowed by the feeling of hopelessness that succeeds it. enough is enough. i'm putting my foot down. i'm going to try and write in this more. no promises or anything. but i have a whole week and a half here by myself next week. so my thoughts and i are going to have plenty of time together. i'm sure you'll all get a little taste of what that's like and run screaming from your computers. i'm going to go to bed now. hopefully davey will stop talking in his sleep, partly because it will keep me awake. mostly because it's creepy as hell.

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